You wouldn't believe me if I told you...

So, in fairness to naming my blog "China...the good, the bad, the ugly," it is only fair that I also touch on some of what I perceive to be 'the ugly.' I haven't blogged for about a week or so. Not because I didn't want to or grew bored of it, but because I was afraid that doing so might have compromised my safety in some way. Where do I begin? ...In a country where cultural differences are as vast as they are nonsensical, I have managed to have a more eventful 1st month in China than I could have conceived possible. Trying to write this without shooting myself in the foot is very difficult, so please excuse my vagueness. I will try to start with a brief description of the culture here in regards to marriage and family. Lets just say that Chinese women are perhaps the most jealous, vindictive and insane demographic of women I have ever come across in my life. Women in this country are after 2 things in life. Marriage and a child. We laugh in America (or Western society) about the concept of a woman being a 'gold digger.' However in China, this is not seen as humor, it is seen as truth. It is what they are about and it is what constitutes a potential partner as being marriage material. If a man in this country does not have his own house, car and a good job, you can forget about that man ever marrying. Not because he doesn't want to, but because the family of the woman would never let her marry a man who does not possess the previously mentioned criteria. Marriage in this country is nothing  but a business deal. (oh...and if you are not married by age 27 you are pretty much worthless. backwards much?) Nothing more, nothing less. Its as fucked up as it is sad. After marriage, all focus in on having a baby. It doesn't matter if the woman is ready to have a child or not, because you see, it is not her decision to make. I have one student, a 24 yr. old woman, who told me she does not want a baby now but that she has no choice because her husband wants one. She also loves dogs and told me that because her husband's family does not think it is good for her health to be around her dogs not only during pregnancy but prior to becoming pregnant, she must give them away. I tried to tell her that that is not normal, but of course, she follows her master...not unlike a dog, I suppose?  Once the baby is born, it is not the mother's responsibility to look after the child but the responsibility of her mother. Women have babies and have nothing to do with them, all the while the baby's grandmother takes the place of the mother. This being said, Chinese women get bonus points if they have a baby with a foreigner. It disgusts me how serious issues like this are looked at with such utter disregard. Once the baby is born, extra marital affairs (especially by husband) are quite normal. Women, of course, are also at fault in having affairs. Once the baby is born, anything goes. And remember that in China if you have a boy you are not allowed to have another child. If you have a girl, however, you are allowed to have 1 more child in the hopes that it will be a boy. So in the worst of outcomes, a family will have 2 girls. In a country that has here of late become so proud of their nation and economical stature, how is it that such basic things like human rights are non existent here? I will address my point in next blog. Want to make sure this one didn't rock my boat more than it should have.

"Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance."   
   ~W. Clement Stone

"...I wasn't born to follow."               Carole King

~and much, much thanks to the United States Embassy in Shanghai, China. Thank you for listening to my story, giving me support and assuring me that my safety is only a phone call away. Thank you.