“I have learned, as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do
something. Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat
belt. The most remarkable things follow.” Julia Cameron
“Life is a spiritual dance and that our unseen partner has steps to teach us if we will allow ourselves to be led. The next time you are restless, remind yourself it is the universe asking 'Shall we dance?” Julia Cameron
"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar."
“Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with. He cannot inflame the minds of his audience.” Henry David Thoreau
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” Helen Keller
“The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience. The tourist is passive; he expects interesting things to happen to him. He goes "sight-seeing." Daniel J. Boorstin
“A traveler has a right to relate and embellish his adventures as he pleases, and it is very impolite to refuse that deference and applause they deserve”
“Adventure is hardship aesthetically considered.” Barry Targan
“I have more memories than if I were a thousand years old.” Charles Baudelaire
“In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.”
Hans Nouwens
"Being a foreigner in any country can be challenging I'm sure. One comment I've made almost since the first few days of my arrival has been: "Everything is so HARD in China!" And really, 10 years later, not much has changed . . . in my opinion."
“The more you reason the less you create” Raymond Chandler
“Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own." Johann Wolfgang
“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” George Moore
:taken from handwritten journal, july/august, *edit/order
7/28
day 1 hangzhou: Although I have been in China for 2 months, I am alone for the first time in China, and its both the scariest and most liberating feeling I've felt in my life. Left John and his son Niall, in Shanghai today. Didn't even get to say goodbye because we got separated at the train station. My ipod is gone too. Was only video I had of Chester. I feel like shit now and the idea of giving up and coming home doesn't sound so bad. I need some strength.
(jotting on a train) it was like out of a movie. the characters all sewn in place.
reform
resolve
revolve
devolve
revolt
repeat
relive
regain
remorse
retain
reestablish
reinforce
reinvent
refrain
regain
relief
7/28 Hangzhou, day 1
all the promises of a fruitful kindergarten. recruiter told me about job. wild and unwise i jumped at the opportunity and before long, i found myself with a one way first class ticket to Hangzhou. at station in Hangzhou, after realizing i have lost my bank card and now officially BROKE, i phone my head teacher at kindergarten, actually thinking that i am going to get a slice of sympathy from her. i was wrong. the kind woman texts to me, and i quote, "you can just stay the night at the Mcdonald's by the school." I shit you not, the woman actually had the audacity to text that to me.
7/29, hangzhou, day 2
more and more im starting to feel like liz gilbert in my own fucked up version of eat,pray, love. sitting in restaurant now, alone, and attempting to eat earthworm sized noodles w/ giant plastic chopsticks. i can't seem to get a bit in my mouth and the entire staff is laughing at me. one old chef lady actually just turned to me to show me how to 'snap' them together, so as to actually get the food i'm trying to eat into my mouth. i lost my bank card in shanghai last week. the icing on the metaphorical shit cake? possibly. now i will return to my cool air conditioned hotel room and commence to english movies. heaven. 106 degrees f here right now. no one walks around during the day. at night the city lights up with street vendors, tourists, musicians...i definitely like hangzhou more than jiaojiang. kind of an earthy/artsy feel to it.
how much of my day to day life do i keep from my family, in order to protect their feelings while simultaneously not appearing to want their pity? its hard. tell them everything and have them worry? or put on a brave face and deal with my shit internally? the latter.
dinner. 'suzanne party of one' once again, but i dont care. drunk man without a shirt on, possibly homeless, standing in front of me at the street table i'm sitting at. trying to spin a wooden stick and then catch it. he hasn't caught it yet, but if his sole purpose is to entertain me then he is doing great. was thinking earlier about how much more welcome and alive i feel in china than i did in europe. so much further from home and so much happier inside. its weird. maybe its growth.
7/30, day 3,4 or 5 here in hangzhou?
finally met with the kindergarten and i loved it! lets just hope this lasts. permanency seems to be hard to find here. eating at a xinjiang food place right now. i heard these people are the 'rebels' and the 'criminals' of china. the province looked down upon by other chinese and known for its high crime rate. i beg to differ. i find these people to be kind, beautiful, curious, nurturing and wanting.
**Starting in 2014 at least 120,000 members of Kashgar's Muslim Uyghur minority have been detained in Xinjiang's re-education camps, aimed at changing the political thinking of detainees, their identities and their religious beliefs via indoctrination and torture, according to Western media. China has denied the existence of detention centers and referred to the facilities as "vocational education centers." The Germany-based World Uyghur Congress submitted report to the United Nations estimated that at least 1 million Uyghurs were being held in the re-education camps as of July 2018.
later that day...
--- i get to the school Tuesday morning. this is after attempting to get there Monday morning but throwing up in the middle of the street after trying to hail a damn taxi for half an hour. i literally puked, all over the place in the middle of the street, from heat exhaustion. (inside scoop...the Chinese are perhaps the most racist race i have EVER encountered in my 33 years of life. i don't say that out of any kind of resentment either; not ALL fit this label, just most.) its totally normal to be waiting for a taxi and for a taxi driver to pass me up as if I'm invisible and move on to pick up the next Chinese that is also waiting patiently for a cab. so i get to the kindergarten, i get the tour, i get what i believe to be all the necessary details. in my best american form, i save asking salary details for last. because like we say in the states, you never want to appear too money hungry, you always want to appear as if the
job itself is of more value to you than the pay. turns out that the witch, caroline (mcdonalds suggestion beeatch) also believes in this theory. she tells me that we will discuss pay last. ok, i think to myself, whatever she wants. we get to pay and i am satisfied. i am also satisfied with the other foreign teachers. another texan, a mexican girl and her husband, a french, an italian and tami, my now great friend from zimbabwe. i meet tami on day two at the kindergarten, where she proceeds to tell me that my start date would not be until september 1st. what?! really?! im broke and staying in a youth hostel...I NEED MONEY! ..and i dont need to wait until october 1st to get it.
--today i went to church with tami and paloma, the mexican girl. god (no pun intended), it felt good to be in a room filled with other westerners (the police come through, unannounced, almost weekly in order to check passports and make sure that no Chinese nationals are in a 'Christian' church. If they are, they are sent to jail). I actually broke down in tears at least 4 times during the 2 hour service. i dont know what it was...the loneliness, helplessness, struggle, despair, love, longing..who knows. but whatever it was, it was heavy and it was real.
7/31, west lake youth house, hangzhou (as will be here until 8/13)
where in the heck do i even begin? I have not written in my blog for almost 2
2 weeks. and while sooo very much has happened, i really haven't the faintest clue as to where I should begin speaking about it all.at youth hostel in hangzhou. feeling pretty broke (sans american bank card), stranded and emotionally vulnerable. i dont think lve ever been up shit's creek this much without a paddle. talk about being resourceful. jesus, i feel like i now know how beggars feel. no music (i pod stolen, computer screen broken), no money, no friends. its a feeling that that hopefully i will look back on, 1 year from now, with the deepest amount of gratitude i am capable of feeling. i am at a hostel in hangzhou, zhejiang province, china. I have been homeless for about a week (chinese hostel personel have become extended family at this point). because I have lost my American bank (ATM) card, I am sleeping on the couch at the hostel, free of charge. i am safe, i am not hungry, i have friends, i am poor, but i am happy. (happiness and positivity; must consciously excercise both, and it's ridiculously hard.) And as i have found through experience, at the end of the day, being happy (or alive) is truly the only thing that matters to me. i hate to complain, and i will really try not to, but for sake of storytelling, its only fair that i voice some of the many hiccups i continuously encounter on a day to day basis here. the phrase "if it ain't one thing its another," at this point, in month 2 of my excursion, i feel that i could have been the individual to coin the phrase.
“Life is a spiritual dance and that our unseen partner has steps to teach us if we will allow ourselves to be led. The next time you are restless, remind yourself it is the universe asking 'Shall we dance?” Julia Cameron
"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar."
“Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with. He cannot inflame the minds of his audience.” Henry David Thoreau
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” Helen Keller
“The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience. The tourist is passive; he expects interesting things to happen to him. He goes "sight-seeing." Daniel J. Boorstin
“A traveler has a right to relate and embellish his adventures as he pleases, and it is very impolite to refuse that deference and applause they deserve”
“Adventure is hardship aesthetically considered.” Barry Targan
“I have more memories than if I were a thousand years old.” Charles Baudelaire
“In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.”
Hans Nouwens
"Being a foreigner in any country can be challenging I'm sure. One comment I've made almost since the first few days of my arrival has been: "Everything is so HARD in China!" And really, 10 years later, not much has changed . . . in my opinion."
“The more you reason the less you create” Raymond Chandler
“Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own." Johann Wolfgang
“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” George Moore
:taken from handwritten journal, july/august, *edit/order
7/28
day 1 hangzhou: Although I have been in China for 2 months, I am alone for the first time in China, and its both the scariest and most liberating feeling I've felt in my life. Left John and his son Niall, in Shanghai today. Didn't even get to say goodbye because we got separated at the train station. My ipod is gone too. Was only video I had of Chester. I feel like shit now and the idea of giving up and coming home doesn't sound so bad. I need some strength.
(jotting on a train) it was like out of a movie. the characters all sewn in place.
reform
resolve
revolve
devolve
revolt
repeat
relive
regain
remorse
retain
reestablish
reinforce
reinvent
refrain
regain
relief
7/28 Hangzhou, day 1
all the promises of a fruitful kindergarten. recruiter told me about job. wild and unwise i jumped at the opportunity and before long, i found myself with a one way first class ticket to Hangzhou. at station in Hangzhou, after realizing i have lost my bank card and now officially BROKE, i phone my head teacher at kindergarten, actually thinking that i am going to get a slice of sympathy from her. i was wrong. the kind woman texts to me, and i quote, "you can just stay the night at the Mcdonald's by the school." I shit you not, the woman actually had the audacity to text that to me.
7/29, hangzhou, day 2
more and more im starting to feel like liz gilbert in my own fucked up version of eat,pray, love. sitting in restaurant now, alone, and attempting to eat earthworm sized noodles w/ giant plastic chopsticks. i can't seem to get a bit in my mouth and the entire staff is laughing at me. one old chef lady actually just turned to me to show me how to 'snap' them together, so as to actually get the food i'm trying to eat into my mouth. i lost my bank card in shanghai last week. the icing on the metaphorical shit cake? possibly. now i will return to my cool air conditioned hotel room and commence to english movies. heaven. 106 degrees f here right now. no one walks around during the day. at night the city lights up with street vendors, tourists, musicians...i definitely like hangzhou more than jiaojiang. kind of an earthy/artsy feel to it.
how much of my day to day life do i keep from my family, in order to protect their feelings while simultaneously not appearing to want their pity? its hard. tell them everything and have them worry? or put on a brave face and deal with my shit internally? the latter.
dinner. 'suzanne party of one' once again, but i dont care. drunk man without a shirt on, possibly homeless, standing in front of me at the street table i'm sitting at. trying to spin a wooden stick and then catch it. he hasn't caught it yet, but if his sole purpose is to entertain me then he is doing great. was thinking earlier about how much more welcome and alive i feel in china than i did in europe. so much further from home and so much happier inside. its weird. maybe its growth.
7/30, day 3,4 or 5 here in hangzhou?
finally met with the kindergarten and i loved it! lets just hope this lasts. permanency seems to be hard to find here. eating at a xinjiang food place right now. i heard these people are the 'rebels' and the 'criminals' of china. the province looked down upon by other chinese and known for its high crime rate. i beg to differ. i find these people to be kind, beautiful, curious, nurturing and wanting.
**Starting in 2014 at least 120,000 members of Kashgar's Muslim Uyghur minority have been detained in Xinjiang's re-education camps, aimed at changing the political thinking of detainees, their identities and their religious beliefs via indoctrination and torture, according to Western media. China has denied the existence of detention centers and referred to the facilities as "vocational education centers." The Germany-based World Uyghur Congress submitted report to the United Nations estimated that at least 1 million Uyghurs were being held in the re-education camps as of July 2018.
later that day...
--- i get to the school Tuesday morning. this is after attempting to get there Monday morning but throwing up in the middle of the street after trying to hail a damn taxi for half an hour. i literally puked, all over the place in the middle of the street, from heat exhaustion. (inside scoop...the Chinese are perhaps the most racist race i have EVER encountered in my 33 years of life. i don't say that out of any kind of resentment either; not ALL fit this label, just most.) its totally normal to be waiting for a taxi and for a taxi driver to pass me up as if I'm invisible and move on to pick up the next Chinese that is also waiting patiently for a cab. so i get to the kindergarten, i get the tour, i get what i believe to be all the necessary details. in my best american form, i save asking salary details for last. because like we say in the states, you never want to appear too money hungry, you always want to appear as if the
job itself is of more value to you than the pay. turns out that the witch, caroline (mcdonalds suggestion beeatch) also believes in this theory. she tells me that we will discuss pay last. ok, i think to myself, whatever she wants. we get to pay and i am satisfied. i am also satisfied with the other foreign teachers. another texan, a mexican girl and her husband, a french, an italian and tami, my now great friend from zimbabwe. i meet tami on day two at the kindergarten, where she proceeds to tell me that my start date would not be until september 1st. what?! really?! im broke and staying in a youth hostel...I NEED MONEY! ..and i dont need to wait until october 1st to get it.
--today i went to church with tami and paloma, the mexican girl. god (no pun intended), it felt good to be in a room filled with other westerners (the police come through, unannounced, almost weekly in order to check passports and make sure that no Chinese nationals are in a 'Christian' church. If they are, they are sent to jail). I actually broke down in tears at least 4 times during the 2 hour service. i dont know what it was...the loneliness, helplessness, struggle, despair, love, longing..who knows. but whatever it was, it was heavy and it was real.
7/31, west lake youth house, hangzhou (as will be here until 8/13)
where in the heck do i even begin? I have not written in my blog for almost 2
2 weeks. and while sooo very much has happened, i really haven't the faintest clue as to where I should begin speaking about it all.at youth hostel in hangzhou. feeling pretty broke (sans american bank card), stranded and emotionally vulnerable. i dont think lve ever been up shit's creek this much without a paddle. talk about being resourceful. jesus, i feel like i now know how beggars feel. no music (i pod stolen, computer screen broken), no money, no friends. its a feeling that that hopefully i will look back on, 1 year from now, with the deepest amount of gratitude i am capable of feeling. i am at a hostel in hangzhou, zhejiang province, china. I have been homeless for about a week (chinese hostel personel have become extended family at this point). because I have lost my American bank (ATM) card, I am sleeping on the couch at the hostel, free of charge. i am safe, i am not hungry, i have friends, i am poor, but i am happy. (happiness and positivity; must consciously excercise both, and it's ridiculously hard.) And as i have found through experience, at the end of the day, being happy (or alive) is truly the only thing that matters to me. i hate to complain, and i will really try not to, but for sake of storytelling, its only fair that i voice some of the many hiccups i continuously encounter on a day to day basis here. the phrase "if it ain't one thing its another," at this point, in month 2 of my excursion, i feel that i could have been the individual to coin the phrase.
maybe i needed this year in china to make me realize how lucky i have
it back in the states. i could just kill myself when i think of all the
times back home when i thought i was unhappy. in reality i didn't
know how lucky i was or how easy i really had it. 1st world problems
seem so funny (and completely asinine) to me now. and the people
who air them seem so unbelievably small minded and self involved. People
have no idea how difficult living outside of one's country can be.
adding China to the situation only exacerbates it more. I crack up
now, when I think of the things I've heard, from people who've lived in
places like Japan, Korea, Thailand or Vietnam (basically any asian
country aside from China). How clueless they are, and probably for the
best. China is definitely no place for the weak, or perhaps even the
strong. Continuously having to remind myself, "suzanne, this is all
happening to you for a reason. just go with it; things will get better."
I've been in china, for almost 2 months, and I still have not lost hope
that they will. i roll with the punches.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." Charles Darwin
“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.” Rosalia de Castro
“People travel for the same reason they collect works of art: because the best people do it” Aldous Huxley
“Society speaks and all men listen, mountains speak and wise men listen” John Muir
“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”
“Memories may escape the action of the will, may sleep a long time, but when stirred by the right influence, though that influence be light as a shadow, they flash into full stature and life with everything in place” John Muir
“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.” Douglas Adams
“I have come to believe that a great teacher is a great artist and that there are as few as there are any other great artists. Teaching might even be the greatest of the arts since the medium is the human mind and spirit." John Steinbeck
last week in august, 2013
~So our plane I guess was probable, that its conclusion would end up grounded
And through its windows it was clear
Of the indifference through which it sounded
The girls all kept their smiles
But in their faces a facade
That stood out and stared
And it made me wonder
From what dynamics this was born
Every time I prepare to board, it's always on my mind
how the disenchantment of fortuity potentially paves the road ahead
Always selective hearing, but not always done through choice
I muse my own reality
And then I disregard its voice
9/23
“The central drama of our age is how the Western nations and the Asian peoples are to find a tolerable basis of co-existence” Walter Lippmann
“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” Oscar Wilde
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss
“If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau
frances farmer---energy work today. how do you put up a shield to defend yourself from someone who sucks the life right out of you. lily, is perhaps one of the saddest souls i have ever encountered in my life. she wears her sadness on her face, in her body, through he way she talks, etc..she emulates unhappiness and it kills me to be around her. i learned last week that the highest number of suicides in the world happen within the demographic of chinese women. this didn't come as too much as a surprise to me . however, now i see what the meat of the article was referring to, and i realize that i see it around me all of the time. its awkward. makes it harder for me to keep my energy in the right place when im sharing such small confines with such negative people. i've always been optimistic, maybe even too optimistic. in any situation i will look at what good can come from it, while simultaneously disregarding anything negative that its consequences might bring. putting a personality like mine in a room for 3 hours with someone whose energy is so horrid that it actually affects my own, takes a toll after, i dunno, 10 minutes or so. read some judith orloff tonight to see what she had to say about 'energy shields.' i sound like a total hippie, but whatever, people do what works for them. judith orloff, works for me. i'd give a freaking toe at the chance to sit down with judith orloff, julia cameron and patti smith for a 3 hour dinner. what in the world would they tell me in terms of advice?
“We need to bridge our sense of loneliness and disconnection with a sense of community and continuity even if we must manufacture it from our time on the Web and our use of calling cards to connect long distance. We must “log on” somewhere, and if it is only in cyberspace, that is still far better than nowhere at all. (264)” Julia Cameron
“Live every moment in the present. Do it. Risk it. Buy it if you love it. Loving well takes practice, delicious practice. If it feels good, it must be good.” Gael Greene
“People say beware, but I don't care. Their words are just rules and regulations to me.” Patti Smith
“A writer or any artist can’t expect to be embraced by the people. I've done records where it seemed like no one listened to them. You write poetry books that maybe 50 people read. And you just keep doing your work because you have to, because it’s your calling.
But it’s beautiful to be embraced by the people.
Some people have said to me, “Well, don’t you think that kind of success spoils one as an artist? If you’re a punk rocker, you don’t want to have a hit record…”
And I say to them, “Fuck you!”
One does their work for the people. And the more people you can touch, the more wonderful it is. You don’t do your work and say, “I only want the cool people to read it.” You want everyone to be transported, or hopefully inspired by it.
When I was really young, William Burroughs told me, “Build a good name. Keep your name clean. Don’t make compromises. Don’t worry about making a bunch of money or being successful. Be concerned with doing good work. And make the right choices and protect your work. And if you can build a good name, eventually that name will be its own currency.” Patti Smith
9/24
misplaced about 2 weeks worth of journaling. so there's 2 weeks lost unless i happen to come across them. i won't try to fill in the gaps based on my memory...for more reasons than one. possibly, work is getting better. my boss actually acknowledged my lesson plan tonight and said that when she spoke to my students after class, all of them had really enjoyed it. this is promising. I'm learning, slowly, how to entertain, teach and function as a kindergarten teacher. and damn, is it hard. 1 week holiday coming up in about 5 days. looking forward to spending time with my friends here that i never really see anymore. as foreign teachers, everyone has different day(s) of the week off. looking forward to spending time with people i actually want to be spending time with, will be nice. Robert (from Iran) and his wife, will be staying at their apartment which is by mine. i also plan on spending time with Kate and Anna, my 2 new Serbian friends. super cool chicks. co workers were actually pleasant tonight. i dunno. sometimes i feel that they are all just genuinely burnt out on work. god knows they work twice as much as i do. but at the same time, they aren't dealing with the stress and hardships that come with living in a foreign land. matter of fact, all of them will be traveling to their home towns next week for our break. none of them have ever left china, and most of them have never traveled outside of their home province in china. I can't imagine that. not ever wandering around, exploring, intentionally putting yourself in situations that will make you uncomfortable. The exact situations that make me feel alive.
****AND MORE IMPORTANTLY.....I would like to give a big shout out to the '2 AWESOME Australian dudes that I befriended in Hangzhou at the West Lake Youth House. Together, we drank our body weight in beer, ate spiders on old street and brought some well needed debauchery to the hostel. Joe Peterson and Dane Overton. It was GREAT to meet you two!!!
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." Charles Darwin
“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.” Rosalia de Castro
“People travel for the same reason they collect works of art: because the best people do it” Aldous Huxley
“Society speaks and all men listen, mountains speak and wise men listen” John Muir
“Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”
“Memories may escape the action of the will, may sleep a long time, but when stirred by the right influence, though that influence be light as a shadow, they flash into full stature and life with everything in place” John Muir
“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.” Douglas Adams
“I have come to believe that a great teacher is a great artist and that there are as few as there are any other great artists. Teaching might even be the greatest of the arts since the medium is the human mind and spirit." John Steinbeck
last week in august, 2013
~So our plane I guess was probable, that its conclusion would end up grounded
And through its windows it was clear
Of the indifference through which it sounded
The girls all kept their smiles
But in their faces a facade
That stood out and stared
And it made me wonder
From what dynamics this was born
Every time I prepare to board, it's always on my mind
how the disenchantment of fortuity potentially paves the road ahead
Always selective hearing, but not always done through choice
I muse my own reality
And then I disregard its voice
9/23
“The central drama of our age is how the Western nations and the Asian peoples are to find a tolerable basis of co-existence” Walter Lippmann
“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” Oscar Wilde
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss
“If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau
frances farmer---energy work today. how do you put up a shield to defend yourself from someone who sucks the life right out of you. lily, is perhaps one of the saddest souls i have ever encountered in my life. she wears her sadness on her face, in her body, through he way she talks, etc..she emulates unhappiness and it kills me to be around her. i learned last week that the highest number of suicides in the world happen within the demographic of chinese women. this didn't come as too much as a surprise to me . however, now i see what the meat of the article was referring to, and i realize that i see it around me all of the time. its awkward. makes it harder for me to keep my energy in the right place when im sharing such small confines with such negative people. i've always been optimistic, maybe even too optimistic. in any situation i will look at what good can come from it, while simultaneously disregarding anything negative that its consequences might bring. putting a personality like mine in a room for 3 hours with someone whose energy is so horrid that it actually affects my own, takes a toll after, i dunno, 10 minutes or so. read some judith orloff tonight to see what she had to say about 'energy shields.' i sound like a total hippie, but whatever, people do what works for them. judith orloff, works for me. i'd give a freaking toe at the chance to sit down with judith orloff, julia cameron and patti smith for a 3 hour dinner. what in the world would they tell me in terms of advice?
“We need to bridge our sense of loneliness and disconnection with a sense of community and continuity even if we must manufacture it from our time on the Web and our use of calling cards to connect long distance. We must “log on” somewhere, and if it is only in cyberspace, that is still far better than nowhere at all. (264)” Julia Cameron
“Live every moment in the present. Do it. Risk it. Buy it if you love it. Loving well takes practice, delicious practice. If it feels good, it must be good.” Gael Greene
“People say beware, but I don't care. Their words are just rules and regulations to me.” Patti Smith
“A writer or any artist can’t expect to be embraced by the people. I've done records where it seemed like no one listened to them. You write poetry books that maybe 50 people read. And you just keep doing your work because you have to, because it’s your calling.
But it’s beautiful to be embraced by the people.
Some people have said to me, “Well, don’t you think that kind of success spoils one as an artist? If you’re a punk rocker, you don’t want to have a hit record…”
And I say to them, “Fuck you!”
One does their work for the people. And the more people you can touch, the more wonderful it is. You don’t do your work and say, “I only want the cool people to read it.” You want everyone to be transported, or hopefully inspired by it.
When I was really young, William Burroughs told me, “Build a good name. Keep your name clean. Don’t make compromises. Don’t worry about making a bunch of money or being successful. Be concerned with doing good work. And make the right choices and protect your work. And if you can build a good name, eventually that name will be its own currency.” Patti Smith
9/24
misplaced about 2 weeks worth of journaling. so there's 2 weeks lost unless i happen to come across them. i won't try to fill in the gaps based on my memory...for more reasons than one. possibly, work is getting better. my boss actually acknowledged my lesson plan tonight and said that when she spoke to my students after class, all of them had really enjoyed it. this is promising. I'm learning, slowly, how to entertain, teach and function as a kindergarten teacher. and damn, is it hard. 1 week holiday coming up in about 5 days. looking forward to spending time with my friends here that i never really see anymore. as foreign teachers, everyone has different day(s) of the week off. looking forward to spending time with people i actually want to be spending time with, will be nice. Robert (from Iran) and his wife, will be staying at their apartment which is by mine. i also plan on spending time with Kate and Anna, my 2 new Serbian friends. super cool chicks. co workers were actually pleasant tonight. i dunno. sometimes i feel that they are all just genuinely burnt out on work. god knows they work twice as much as i do. but at the same time, they aren't dealing with the stress and hardships that come with living in a foreign land. matter of fact, all of them will be traveling to their home towns next week for our break. none of them have ever left china, and most of them have never traveled outside of their home province in china. I can't imagine that. not ever wandering around, exploring, intentionally putting yourself in situations that will make you uncomfortable. The exact situations that make me feel alive.
****AND MORE IMPORTANTLY.....I would like to give a big shout out to the '2 AWESOME Australian dudes that I befriended in Hangzhou at the West Lake Youth House. Together, we drank our body weight in beer, ate spiders on old street and brought some well needed debauchery to the hostel. Joe Peterson and Dane Overton. It was GREAT to meet you two!!!
.JPG)