You wouldn't believe me if I told you...

So, in fairness to naming my blog "China...the good, the bad, the ugly," it is only fair that I also touch on some of what I perceive to be 'the ugly.' I haven't blogged for about a week or so. Not because I didn't want to or grew bored of it, but because I was afraid that doing so might have compromised my safety in some way. Where do I begin? ...In a country where cultural differences are as vast as they are nonsensical, I have managed to have a more eventful 1st month in China than I could have conceived possible. Trying to write this without shooting myself in the foot is very difficult, so please excuse my vagueness. I will try to start with a brief description of the culture here in regards to marriage and family. Lets just say that Chinese women are perhaps the most jealous, vindictive and insane demographic of women I have ever come across in my life. Women in this country are after 2 things in life. Marriage and a child. We laugh in America (or Western society) about the concept of a woman being a 'gold digger.' However in China, this is not seen as humor, it is seen as truth. It is what they are about and it is what constitutes a potential partner as being marriage material. If a man in this country does not have his own house, car and a good job, you can forget about that man ever marrying. Not because he doesn't want to, but because the family of the woman would never let her marry a man who does not possess the previously mentioned criteria. Marriage in this country is nothing  but a business deal. (oh...and if you are not married by age 27 you are pretty much worthless. backwards much?) Nothing more, nothing less. Its as fucked up as it is sad. After marriage, all focus in on having a baby. It doesn't matter if the woman is ready to have a child or not, because you see, it is not her decision to make. I have one student, a 24 yr. old woman, who told me she does not want a baby now but that she has no choice because her husband wants one. She also loves dogs and told me that because her husband's family does not think it is good for her health to be around her dogs not only during pregnancy but prior to becoming pregnant, she must give them away. I tried to tell her that that is not normal, but of course, she follows her master...not unlike a dog, I suppose?  Once the baby is born, it is not the mother's responsibility to look after the child but the responsibility of her mother. Women have babies and have nothing to do with them, all the while the baby's grandmother takes the place of the mother. This being said, Chinese women get bonus points if they have a baby with a foreigner. It disgusts me how serious issues like this are looked at with such utter disregard. Once the baby is born, extra marital affairs (especially by husband) are quite normal. Women, of course, are also at fault in having affairs. Once the baby is born, anything goes. And remember that in China if you have a boy you are not allowed to have another child. If you have a girl, however, you are allowed to have 1 more child in the hopes that it will be a boy. So in the worst of outcomes, a family will have 2 girls. In a country that has here of late become so proud of their nation and economical stature, how is it that such basic things like human rights are non existent here? I will address my point in next blog. Want to make sure this one didn't rock my boat more than it should have.

"Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance."   
   ~W. Clement Stone

"...I wasn't born to follow."               Carole King

~and much, much thanks to the United States Embassy in Shanghai, China. Thank you for listening to my story, giving me support and assuring me that my safety is only a phone call away. Thank you.

Hiking, socializing and food

Took these pics a couple days ago when I hiked the mountain across from my apartment. Although I know its a pagoda, kind of like 'replicate of a temple', I have no idea what temple is being replicated. Beautiful, nonetheless. At the top, the views of my city Jioajiang, are amazing. I found it entertaining that while I was taking pictures of the temple, the Chinese were taking pictures of me and asking to have their picture taken with me. You just can't escape it. What's also entertaining is that its totally normal for Chinese girls to wear high heels and dresses on this hike. I was donning yoga pants, a Widespread Panic t-shirt, new balances and sweating like a whore in church (excuse the simile). These women are dressed to the 9's and literally have no perspiration coming off of them. It takes them 5 times longer to get to the top, but I suppose they do it in style?

At karaoke bar with friends/co-workers John and Dan (from England and Australia, respectively). Karaoke bars...where do I start? Let's just say karaoke is something you would NEVER catch me doing at home, regardless of alcohol consumed. However, in China its a different story. Although we did not karaoke the night this picture was taken, about a week and a half ago there were about 10 of us foreign teachers onstage and belting out American tunes. I actually got a softball sized bruise on my right thigh from playing the tambourine with too much gusto (true story). We looked like the Partridge family up there and loved every minute of it!

 

Above are pictures from the street vendors that set up shop outside of my apartment building. I know what you're thinking, "Street vendor food? Isn't that the kind of food they warn you not to eat in China?" Let me clarify that this is some of the best tasting I've ever had. The woman in the bottom picture runs a dumpling stand with her husband. They know my order by heart. They steam their dumplings rather than frying them in MSG so its one of the healthier dishes here. The picture of the man and woman is taken at their kabob stand. Picture lots of veggies and various meat all on kabob sticks. You pick the ones you want, put them on a tray and hand them to the man to cook it. I admit that I'm not brave enough to delve into their meat selection, but their tofu and veggies are delish!! I'll have to take a pic of the infamous 'meat selection.' Who knew that chicken feet were considered a perfectly normal thing to eat?

Pabst Blue Ribbon and congested supermarkets

Just when you think you've seen it all, you see PBR at the local supermarket...and for .33 cents a can! This was my first real supermarket excursion since I've been here. And sadly, the bulk of what I purchased was not food (or beer). Things like bath towels, dish rack, forks, glasses, pillows, etc...I went this past Wednesday, as I had the day off for Dragon Boat Festival, a Chinese national holiday. I mention this because learning how to survive here is basically a daily process of trial and error. On this particular day I learned that never again will I set foot in a supermarket on a Chinese national holiday. The whole experience brought new meaning to the term 'every man for himself.' Living in China, one of the first things that you notice is that the Chinese are oblivious to what we regard as one's 'personal space.' It just doesn't exist here. Five minutes into my shopping extravaganza I found myself pushing peoples' grocery carts out of my way...(think bumper cars.) The first 'bump' felt a little weird. I was 100% prepared for the person pushing that cart to start yelling at me in Chinese. But they didn't. With my confidence up, I began dashing down aisles and bumping any cart that got in my way. Because trust me when I say that you could literally stand there for 30 minutes just waiting for someone to get out of your way and allowing you to pass. It was such a sh*t show in there that by the end of my shopping I had resorted to placing my hand on shoulders and physically moving people out of my way. Trying to have your produced weighed is also interesting. A friend had warned me that if you want this done you must fight your way up there. You see in China, it is perfectly acceptable to cut in front of others who are waiting in line...regardless of how long that person may have been patiently waiting in line themselves. An old woman, sneaky little thing, knowingly bulldozed her way in front of me in an attempt to have her produce weighed out before mine. I was not letting that happen. Being 5'8", I simply jutted a hip in front of her while simultaneously grabbing her produce off of the scale and placing mine on it. "Nice try, lady," may or may not have escaped my lips and I felt like an asshole. But then I remembered that I was in China, and that manners are one of the many amenities that simply do not exist here.

China nights, China friends

Some pictures from Kevin's going away party at TU Bar. Kevin, (bottom picture guy on right) is a fellow Texan and is moving with his best friend (another Texan) to teach in Xiamen. About 7 hours south of where I live and on the coast. I don't if its living in China as a foreigner that makes meeting other foreigners so effortless, or if it just feels that way because we are all so like minded. So many people back home looked at me like I was insane when I told them my plans to move to China. (Let me clarify that quite a few thought it was both a great opportunity and adventure...Just not the majority.) I have always treasured the relationships I have made while traveling. Regardless of nationality, background or age, we have all been bitten by the travel bug and gain motivation, perspective and strength through the sharing of one another's stories and experiences.

"Metal Death Box"

Today I had my first ride in a tuk tuk. Or, as a friend of mine calls them, "(a) metal death box." Aside from being the cheapest mode of transportation I've ever taken in my life (our ride was a little under $1), the tuk tuk has many other redeeming qualities. My favorite being that the tuk tuk driver is essentially the chameleon of transportation. In order to get you from A to B as quickly as possible, the tuk tuk driver will drive in accordance to motor, bicycle, motorcycle or pedestrian traffic laws. Driving in oncoming lanes in order to avoid red lights is also perfectly acceptable. Hence the term "metal death box."  You have to give these drivers credit for both their efficiency and resourcefulness in their ability to maneuver such crowded streets. And incongruence with all of this, halfway through the ride I looked over at my friend and said, "I actually feel really safe in this thing."